Sports Illustrated to send plastic writers to the World Cup
2010-02-18 22:09:00
I know Steve Davis says this is nothing new, and really, were they going to send someone like . . . well, there really isn't anybody else to send, is there? But still. Via Adam Spangler, Sports Illustrated is sending noted soccer connoisseurs Joe Posnanski and Peter King to the World Cup to eat meat pies and prawns, and maybe write something. Behold the amount of emotional investment in the sport wielded by Joe Posnanski:One of the things I was hoping to do this year was follow the English Premier League and, specifically, be a Fulham FC fan. And I have to admit that I failed pretty miserably. It wasn't entirely my fault … a lot of stuff happened in the last few months and I simply did not find the time to invest in my new team.
What, doesn't every American "footie" fan like Fulham? You know, when they don't have other things to do? What? Fulham are a second rate team playing in a slightly upgraded version of Plough Lane bankrolled by a more insane version of Elton John? Lies! Ok, then what else have you got?
I am actually quite excited about watching today's Champion's League Final between Manchester United and FC Barcelona. I don't have a dog in the fight - don't even know much about the two teams other than the game will supposedly match the consensus best players in the world: Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo and Barcelona's Lionel Messi. Maybe we'll throw some live comments on the bottom here during the match. Maybe.
Fuck you.
As for Peter King, well, check out his first professional soccer game in England, also last year.
The enthusiasm of the crowd, particularly the end-zone nutjobs, never wavered. . . I walked away wondering if there's anything in America like the constant hum of a 90-minute match with the kind of tradition football in Britain has. I'm not sure there is. Maybe a big college-football rivalry or a Red Sox-Yankees playoff game, or Canadiens-Leafs when both are hot. I don't know. I doubt it.
I don't know fuckhead, maybe ANY Seattle Sounders game? Or any good MLS or WPS playoff match? Or the National Teams? Ok, fine you sort of have us at the tradition, but seriously. IS THERE ANYTHING IN AMERICA LIKE THIS NO NOT AT ALL FUCK FACE SOCCER DOESN'T EXIST HERE GO BACK TO WRITING ABOUT YOUR POINTY BALL I HATE YOU.
Anyway. I'm looking forward to those scintillating match reports that talk about the "end zone crazies" and compare certified International Soccer Sensations to American League baseball managers or college football to make sure that people who know nothing at all about soccer don't feel alone, afraid, and vaguely homosexual.
Maybe SI'll even archive those great stories on a page where the first two clicks you make anywhere take you to a full page ad for Ralph Lauren or something else I'm supposed to buy. Seriously, SI, you're the reason I'm thinking about disabling Javascript. Your website is a usability nightmare and treats its readers like an abusive spouse would, it's not funny anymore.
-FS
Go to the homepage, browse the archive by month, topic, league, international and college competition, or explore relevant keywords: